She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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