I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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