Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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