if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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