i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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