She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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