Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
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the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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