Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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