Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize