Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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