Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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