Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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