Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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