About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize