I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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