i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think my vagina is haunted
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
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i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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