How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
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I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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