not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i came on her dog
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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