the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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