haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize