Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
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Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
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I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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