Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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