new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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