She's JV to your varsity
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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