I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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