FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
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I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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