I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
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Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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