also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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