Did you just see the Batmobile???
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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