You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize