god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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