I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
