I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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