Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize