I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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