i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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