somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
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He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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