hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Too much gin, very little bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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