Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
