we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
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He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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