Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize