I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize