I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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