Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
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Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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