She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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