I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
its liver damage thursday
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