I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize