I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize