but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize