So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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