I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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